Dave FAQ

Frequently Asked Questions about David Alcock

Who are you?

I'm a MVS OS/390 z/OS systems programmer. I recently took a job working in level 2 support for a large ISV. I live in Dallas, Tx - Home of the Dallas Cowboys (even if the stadium and team facilities are in Irving Tx - soon to be Arlington, Tx).

What do your parents think of you being a MVS OS/390 z/OS systems programmer?

Tell them I'm a sysprog? As far as they know, I'm a piano player in a whore house.

How do you pronounce your last name?

Well, there's only one "L" in ALCOCK not two. An easy way to pronounce it is to say these two words: Owl Cock

WDDD - What Does Dave Drive?

A big honking Ford Expedition.
"You could make the argument that all cars consume gas, so even if you're driving a smaller car you're still supporting terrorism -- only less so. But I would say that we need more Americans to drive hybrid gas-electric cars because those only support terrorism when you're going up a hill." --Jon Stewart
I don't understand some people's obsession with SUV hatred. Many other vehicles like pickups, luxury cars, mini-VANs, etc. get similar gas mileage.

Do you have any body piercings? NO!      Tattoos? NO!!

I'm not in to self-mutilation.

Any nicknames?

Diamond Dave

I'm just A Diamond Dave and not THE Diamond Dave (which is David Lee Roth).

A couple of people call me Wavy Davy but I don't know why.

Where do you stand politically?

I believe in open honest government. I also think the American system can work.
Okay, I stole that line from Stardust Memories, a Woody Allen film
What's your opinion about what our Founding Fathers would think about modern democracy in America?

They would be appalled. They would probably also think "Wow, taxation with representation sucks too".

What are you wearing right now?

My "Kiss the Chef" apron (if I have some dead cow on the grill).

Have you ever been to England?

No, but I kinda like the Beatles.

Are cats born fraidy cats?

No, it's a lifestyle choice.

How do you rate the programming languages?

S/390 Assembler Rocks! Rexx Rulz! Dammit Jim, I'm not a COBOL Programmer... I never got into PL/1. Besides my favorite ALGOL-based language is... Pascal is an elegant language I wish I used more often. Life is too short to spend it coding in the C/C++ language! Free the mallocs! Having said that, I do like the Java programming language because they fixed most of the problems of C++. Back in a misspent youth, I coded in BASIC. I hate looking at BASIC code, DIM it! I know that I should learn PERL but I haven't broke down and done it yet. FORTRAN ain't FOR Dave. I don't have the warped brain for APL or FORTH. People that code new CLISTs should be shot. Homage to Pulp Fiction No trial, No jury, Straight to execution. No, I've never looked into PYTHON (which is named after Monty Python).

Don't bother emailing me about my opinions on programming languages. This is a religious issue. And besides, your favorite programming language sucks (if it ain't S/390 Assembler or my second fav: Rexx) -- 'nuff said.

St. Augustine or Bermuda?

St. Augustine.

Boxers or Briefs?


Nirvana vs Pearl Jam?

Nirvana. Whatever, Nevermind

Beatles vs Rolling Stones?

Led Zeppelin.

What is your favorite color?


Ohmigod,they killed Kenny!

You B*st*rds!

How do you get to Carnegie Hall?

Practice. Practice. Practice.

I see you live in Dallas, Tx. Do you think Oswald acted alone?

Yep, I believe in the lone nut theory. 3 shots in 6 seconds with a bolt action rifle -- only in Dallas.

Jack and Jackie
Let's look into this further. Only a wuss would take the easy shots where the limo was heading toward the Book Depository. You know, you have him for great shot after great shot after great shot (see the Oliver Stone movie to see what I mean - they let him film through the window Oswald shot from). I'm not saying that Oswald was a real man but a real man waits for a challenge. A real man waits until the limo turns on Elm street and is obscured by a tree. A real man gets world class shots through an evergreen tree and hitting a target moving away down a hill. A real man shoots out of the building where he works and leaves the evidence with the fingerprints behind to be found. A real man orders the rifle he uses in the assassination through a easily traceable mail order firm instead of just plucking down cash at a local gun store. A real man kills one of the most powerful men on the planet and has no escape plan then decides to take in a movie a few miles from the assassination site. Funny thing is Oswald looked like a wuss and not a real man.

Jackie O

What do you make of all of the evidence implicating the CIA in the JFK assassination?

Just because the CIA would lie, cheat, steal, overthrow governments, and try to assassinate other countries' leaders does not mean that it would kill its own.

Okay I stole that from http://www.geocities.com/verisimus101/conspiracy.htm.

Who do you really think shot JFK?

The only one I am sure about is Zapruder. He shot JFK with a 8mm camera.

What is your TIVO recording right now?

The Man Show

Why do you watch The Man Show?
Every show ends with girls jumping on trampolines!
Does your TiVo think you're gay?

NO!For Example, since I have a season pass to The Man Show it thoughtfully selected Making of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader Calendar for me. Thanks, TiVo!

Who is your favorite short haired blond movie star?

It use to be Meg Ryan. Now it's Renée Zellweger.

Renée Zellweger

Do you know the way to San Jose?

I knew I shoulda takin' that left turn at Albuquerque. What's up, doc?

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Last Updated: 2004-11-18
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